Our differences make​ us all alike

I believe all of this has started a long time ago, even further in the past than I can recall, and has briefly ended the exact moment I came across the similarities between two different problems.

My best friend and I were venting, as usual, about whatever happens to bother us in our daily lives, when she said something rather important. She told me sincerely how she feels about it and I realised that I am experiencing the same feeling, only to be entirely discouraged from finding a solution by the parallelism of the two situations. How was I supposed to help her now?!

I saw that this feeling was caused, in her case, by the irremediable presence of a thing, while, in my case, it was caused by its absence. Not to mention that the situations themselves were different, – in this moment I’m referring to a course of actions based on different human behavior – a detail which, again, wasn’t helpful if I was planning on helping my best friend anytime soon.

This was one of the moments I stood up and asked myself: “Considering all of it, how could these lead to the same thing? And exactly, why does it have the same intensity?” Indeed, it sounds complicated when you look at it this way. Or any other hand, really, I’m not going to lie and say I’ve solved it all because I haven’t. Brief revision: two parallel things ended up having the same effect.

By now, I think it is pretty clear that those things I keep talking about are people. Obviously, when I heard what happened I was extremely confused. You can ask her, too. I didn’t know what to say to possibly change something. All I could do was try to relate to what she feels and connect the problems somehow. That led nowhere.

The thing which, once again, got me thinking: “Are people this much alike?” We are different, yes, that is correct. We can certainly say that. But, if we do, how do we explain all sorts of relationships? We grow closer to people both similar and different from us, right? We end up seeing how a person we thought had nothing to do with us truly shares a lot of aspects. Vice versa, too.

How does that happen? Well, in one of my crazy late-night-bubble-bath theories, I tend to think like this: if people who we find different are not, that means they’re like us. But we care to find out that people who we think are like us, are or aren’t really. Where does that lead us, logically? To seeing that we are all alike.

Now, you may say: “Well, my cousin likes pasta and I don’t. That makes us different.

Yes, it does. But I’m sorry if that’s your level of seeing my point. I wasn’t talking about absolute concurrence. Ugh. Let me put it this way: you know that thing that sometimes tingles deep down when in touch with true emotion? Yeah, that’s your soul. Yeah, yeeeeah. That’s what I was talking about. See, you got it. Now, I can go on.

Thinking about the moment this little theory of mine started, it probably dates back to a few years ago, when I started mercilessly comparing people. Yes, mercilessly. I’d never leave any detail uncovered. I’d have everything sorted out in my brain: how people behave and how to treat them accordingly. I felt as if I had the key to the center of the Universe and there was nothing there to ever stop me. It took me a while to meet someone who undoubtedly changed this perception of mine. Someone who I could never understand. I still can’t. I am not going to lie and say I thought I had, at some point, but that faded away as quickly as it was born. What’s impossible to even comprehend about this person is their ability to make me love them despite them being a total prick! Whatever, that was unrelated. I guess I’m just very angry.

Honestly, I have never given it as much thought as I have now. It just seemed… normal. The detail which made it fly out of the ordinary was the moment I tried to explain this to others and they couldn’t exactly relate. It made me think something was wrong, and there probably is, I just couldn’t figure it out quite yet.

There’s still time, anyway.

What about you? What do you think about this? Do you think that we could be so much alike if we let our heart guide us?

I’m looking forward to seeing how it all turns out.

Good luck.

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How to get over that special someone

Have you ever loved someone so much that you start hating them? You hate what they’re doing to you, how stubborn they can be and how they make you feel. You hate how you can’t understand them and how they don’t want your help. You hate them because you think you know what’s best for them, and when they don’t listen it’s suddenly a crime.

You find yourself fantasising about your future together when you expect it less. You hate everything they turned out to be, yet you realise they’re the ones you see when you picture who you want to wake up next to.

Have you ever loved a person so toxic for you that you just can’t get enough of them? You distance yourself, only to see how close you still are to whom you were trying to avoid? Take me, for example. What were the chances I dream of him after so long? Slim to none, considering I thought I was over the past. False.

Also, have you ever loved someone who doesn’t care about you? And, no, I’m not talking about those really hot actors/singers you hopelessly have a crush on. I mean real people – not that they are fictional – that you see every day, going on with their lives…being happy. It’s worse when their happiness doesn’t include you; you try so hard to get their attention in every possible way. You message them, sometimes you call them, sometimes you just smile and hope. Yet, nothing happens.

It makes you wonder where you’ve gone wrong, what exactly have you done so badly that they choose to ignore you, or even avoid you. It makes you wonder if it’s your fault or they’ve just grown bored of you. You are looking for an explanation and what do you get? Exactly.

There are also those individuals who just get the wrong idea. You like them, you want to spend time with them and sometimes you don’t even know what to bring up since you’re so afraid of what they think of you. What do they do? They either take you for granted, think you’re weird and gradually ignore you, or understand your feelings incorrectly. Enough said – you get me on this one.

I have so many questions that have remained unanswered, yet I don’t want this post to become a novel. Have you ever fallen for someone who didn’t take their time to know you? Who doesn’t appreciate you enough? Who was intentionally oblivious? Who has made you feel so wrong, like you’re broken and you don’t deserve anything? Who ended up treating you like dirt? In other, simpler words: have you ever loved someone who couldn’t love you back?

I think you have. I know I have. (so many times, I strongly advise you not to follow my path – thanks)

If you’re still trying to get over it – like me – I have some suggestions for you:

  1. Do not be that person. Yeah, that person I was just talking about. Be kind to everyone and give a chance to slightly more people than you think deserve it. You will be surprised.
  2. Don’t sell yourself short. You can certainly do better, and, between us, if they act like a piece of shit, you don’t need them. You never have.
  3. (Not entirely related) Don’t show them how you truly feel. If they hurt you, screw them. I know it’s difficult to keep it to yourself sometimes, but it’s better not to let them know how you feel unless you are positive you can trust them.
  4. Explore and experience! I’ve told you before: life is all about experiences. I’m not saying that the right one will jump on you while you’re drowning yourself in shots one night, but locking yourself in your bedroom will not help, either.
  5. Socialise. I am aware it sounds incredibly stupid, but I’m only proving the point that you don’t need them. Best case scenario –  they need you. The more people you know, the merrier. You’ll see how great most of them are, and believe me when I say that there are plenty of fish in the sea. There literally are lots of people. Don’t worry.
  6. And the last thing I can think of right now (and, I say, the most important one): Do not compare every other person you meet to them. Trust me, I’ve been there. I still am a bit. “Oh, they have the same eyes.” “I don’t like their smile as much.” “X would’ve never done that.” No. Stop. The idea of getting over someone is forgetting about them!!!! (I’m writing that with so many exclamation points at the end, all emphasized, hoping that I will, maybe, at some point, finally understand that and take my own advice).

Now, listen, I am aware that all I have said so far can be extremely complicated to achieve. Do you think I would have written this if I were never there?! I’m not suggesting that – poof – overnight you will be all happy and fresh. It takes time. It can take more, it can take less, depending on how much you have let it affect you in the past. Anyhow, I hope you all the best with this. Don’t let the toxic people murder your enthusiasm (or person, it sucks more if a single person does all that, oops).

Secondly, I propose we turn this post into a drinking game – every time you feel like you can relate, take a shot. Don’t get yourselves into comas, kiddos.

Stay strong because you can.

Good luck.

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