There’s no such thing as a first thin end of the wedge | Motivation to pursue your dreams

I do a lot of crazy things, from dyeing my hair and eyebrows pink to creating and maintaining a blog. Hah.

Life is a surprising series of events that question each individual’s sanity. Why, you may ask? I have no idea. That’s just how it goes. It starts with pranking your friends or neighbours, stealing candy from your drawer at midnight, – in other words – insignificant actions which temporarily cause joy. It obviously ends with insanity, but I choose not to reach that topic.

Referring to the insignificant things that make me happy, I was recently thinking of buying a personal domain for my blog, and while so, a random thought started haunting my mind. How did I come to the conclusion that I want to even pursue such a path? Honestly, I have created many blogs in the past and failed. I’ve written stories (and I still do); to be exact, I have done many things to keep my passion alive, even if I managed to succeed or not. Spoiler alert, I haven’t yet.

However, there’s this feeling I get whenever I’m writing, and I honestly hope we can all find ourselves truly satisfied with a hobby/job. It’s unexplainable, but I would try to describe it as impatience combined with fulfilling contentment. What happens to be different this time from the past is that I am actually working for progress.

Don’t worry if, for example, your first try at something isn’t your lucky one. It’s not like mine was, or anyone’s really. As long as you’re filled with determination (please get my Undertale reference) nothing can stop you. If you don’t believe me, I’ll leave you here some of my old vs new pieces to read, maybe you can convince yourself.

Oh my, how many times acting had saved me lots of minutes to rethink and redo… Let’s say -shht-  that if I were to do the things I haven’t done because of this, I’d take a few tests at school, I’d go to a few more classes, and I would do lots of homework…

Don’t take it the bad way, I only did it because I felt unprepared for what I was supposed to do. I needed time. For those tests and classes, a simple ”I’ll bring you an essay/a project.” it’s more than perfect, for me at least. I can say it did help.

But, of course, you gotta do it well. You can’t just fake a bad crying and faint, it has to be in your blood. Or, you can practice, practice, practice! Not in public places, for yourself, God. It would be weird to see someone talking to themselves on the street while walking. You’ll see how if you keep reading.

Yeah, that’s one piece of an article from one of my former blogs.

Yeah, it’s bad. I guess. I don’t know, to be honest, I generally cringe at everything older than a few months. Let me see if I can dig even deeper.

Alright, I am warning you – this is from 2013.

Come on…Come on…Ring, come on! Why doesn’t the bell ring? *rings*

Yaaaaay! Finally! I rush to take my things and leave without being seen. Outside the classroom, A.L. is waiting for me.

“I’m sorry I made you wait!” I say.

“Haha, don’t worry. It was worth it! Excuse me for asking, but did you talk to your parents?”

I remain silent. I possibly forgot to mention my parents died when I was 12. I’m living with my sister. A.L. doesn’t know that, though. I never talked to him about that. “They…don’t need to know. I’ll try to call them later.”

“Are you sure?” “Yes. Let’s go.”

“Where do you wanna go, tho’? 

“I think the park is a perfect place,” I say, giggling.

“This is where we’re going – anywhere your heart wants to!” he smiles, adding “Can we hold hands now?” 

I start laughing.

“Whaat?!” he asks laughing. “If you want to, I was just askiiiing!”

I get closer to him and take his hand… “Yes, we can hold hands now!” I answer smiling.

“I never doubted that!”

“Haha, shut uuuuuuup! You got scared as hell!”

“No, I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did!”

“Okay…maybeeeee!” A.L. gives up laughing.

The park is near. Oh, here we are. We find a nice place by the lake and sit there, on the grass. A.L. has got everything! 

“I can’t believe you actually brought food!”

“It’s just..I don’t want you to be hungry. Do I get anything, or what?”

“What.” I don’t seem to be very excited, but I am.

“Oh. Look, I made sandwiches.” I make a very happy face. I just love sandwiches. “I know you love them! Now, because you’re happy, you won’t get your food until you tell me why did you get upset when I asked you about your parents. You won’t get anything. Not even Nutella.”

“My parents…died when I was 12.”

“I’m sorry…I didn’t know..You know I’d never hurt you in any way!”

“It’s alright! Now pass the Nutella!”

“Only if you catch it!”

“Hey guys!” It’s Sofia, my sister.

“Do you mind?” I ask.

“No, I really don’t. A.L. can fail on kissing you anyway.” He blushes really hard and scratches his head grinning.

“Enough is enough, Sofia! Stop being annoying, you aren’t like that! Go away!”

Sofia gives me a weird look, but leaves.

“You didn’t have to do that..it’s your sister..you did it for me and now I feel bad.”

“I’d do anything for you. You’re like…the only thing I care about..”

We look at each other.He puts his hand on my face, gently touching me.

“You are the only thing I see. But, maybe, there’s something you’d like to see.”

He takes my hand for the 3rd time and guides me to a weird garden with a lot of colorful flowers. Then he looks at how happy I am and says:

“You may wonder why I brought you here. Well…I thought this would be a nice place to have our first kiss..”

I stop doing everything. The only thing that comes to my mind was that what I’ve always wanted was going to happen….soon.

And that’s what I used to call a goddamn chapter. I am re-reading that one particular part just because I find it terribly amusing. I think that’s remotely enough to show how much I am laughing at the moment.

Hey, though. Do you want to see what gives me hope not to give up? It’s not as if you have a choice.

Let me explain first. This blog was born because of how bad I was perceiving life. I might have ended every single entry happily, but that never meant that was how I truly viewed it. What I wanted to do was make you guys see things differently from how I do in order to help you live better, I can say. I started with this concept of attempting to improve people’s life, slowly and once at a time.

And I got here.

I achieved my own happiness so, hopefully, I’ll be able to do my job even better. But, as I said, it wasn’t always pink so the progress you’re going to read (written before the existence of this blog) can be a bit sad.

She looked at him as if he was the only person with blue eyes on Earth. He wasn’t near her, yet she still fantasized about how cozily he raised his eyebrow when she talked about numbers he didn’t always understand, about how the sun reflected rainbows in the ocean who used to smile at her, about how they were alone surrounded by crowds of people and about how she’d be able to understand what’s in his head. He said he didn’t want to talk to her, after all the looks he’d given her: apologetic, curious, full of emotion and even sometimes blank, yet filled with this perilous vibe he gave unknowingly. He wanted something from her, but he desired nothing. Unapproachable and incomprehensible, serving her hope she built dreams on, dreams soon to be crushed by a wrongful reality. All of those as if he wanted her to hate him. And she hated him, but she couldn’t stop loving him, either. That’s how the two of them existed in a void of suspicious feelings, a defamed combination between what he inspired and what her heart was willing to receive, happening day by day, as the time passed mercilessly leaving her thinking there’ll never be another way.

There you go. I’m not stating it’s fantastic, but comparing it to 2013…it says more. It almost makes me want to write a book. Overall, this is what made me consider buying the domain: the fact that I love writing and that I can see and feel that I’ve come quite far. Obviously, over a few years.

My point is that I’ve heard many of my friends who have started blogs (I’m referring to this since it’s more familiar) say “Who cares, no one’s gonna read anyway” or “It’s gonna suck” or “It’s nothing special“. Well, yeah, obviously. They’re your first tries, your first posts. They’re not going to become viral the first two minutes. They’re – probably – not going to be spectacular, nor special. I mean, haven’t you read my 2013 story? Think about it.

I’m not implying that I am perfect now because I’m not. But I’m better, and that’s proving it. And as much as I want to encourage you not to quit if you don’t feel you’ll succeed  – I cannot. Quit if you want to do so. What I advise you is to always try again. Quit, but temporarily. You’ll find yourself achieving a goal you haven’t accurately set and trust me, you’ll feel accomplished. Yes, it took me a lot to get to this, I was just hoping that proof will improve the arguments without making it sound too cliché.

All in all, I know you can do it, and I mean “you” friends, colleagues, strangers, readers, people.

Good luck.

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